Accountability

"Accountability is not always easy, but it is necessary." --Ryan Snyder

If you were in Sunday's service, you might remember that quote from the message. I wonder: Do you have someone in your life who shares your love for Jesus? Who is in this with you? Who you KNOW will caution you before you fall into a pit and throw in a rope when you do... and that person will love you no less when you fall. That person will not hold your failures over you, but will rejoice in the redeeming work of the Lord? Who is your "person"?

Maybe you sat in the service on Sunday and thought, "Gosh, I've never had a relationship like that in my ENTIRE life." Well, do you want one? Do you need a girlfriend to come alongside of you and do this thing with you? In it together. Iron sharpening iron. A faithful friend. If that kind of friendship is missing from your life, I suggest you find one. Not just at random, but by prayerful consideration. Ask the Lord for such a friend or accountability partner.

So, this thing called Accountability. It's really a beautiful thing when it's working the way Ryan shared on Sunday. There's a lot it can look like, and I'll go into it in just a minute, but there are also a few things that accountability is not.
1. It is not a license to freely sin to your heart's content. You're first and foremost accountable before God.
2. It is not a brag session on your sin, failures and missteps. Each and every one of them sent your Savior to a torturous death on a Cross so you might be redeemed. Never forget that. If we pictured Christ's bloody body hanging from that cross in those brief moments before we choose to sin, perhaps we'd have a little reverence and take the way of escape He's promised.
3. It is not a get-together without getting accountable. How much we miss if neither party is brave enough to bring the conversation to the reason for getting together.

So, maybe you're longing for it but don't have any idea where to begin.
Here are a few suggestions. Not a how-to book. I didn't find this in Scripture. Mostly from personal experience or something I heard about or came across. Just a starting point if this is where you want to go.

#1. DEFINE YOUR EXPECTATIONS
What do you want? Do you think you want to meet one on one with someone? Maybe the idea of a group of 3 or 4 is more appealing? Not sure? ASK JESUS. If He has stirred in your heart the desire to do something like this, talk to Him. Spend time in His presence, see what He says.

#2. FIND YOUR PEOPLE
Once you think you know if you want one-on-one or a group, prayerfully determine who these people might be. Perhaps there's someone you meet with on a regular basis or a dear friend and right away you know you and Suzy Jones would make great accountability partners. If you don't know who you might meet with, ASK JESUS to show you. Recently, being new on staff, Greg encouraged me to have a sister in Christ praying with me and for me personally and the ministry I am involved in with you. I felt overwhelmed because I barely knew the ladies, but I began to ask the Lord and as I did, as I was around a certain woman, God would remind me and even suggest in my heart to ask her. The God of the Universe, concerned with the details of our lives. Unfathomable. Yet, unmistakable. So, if you need the partner, let it be a God thing.
Then, when you know who you want to approach, do so. Ask them if they are familiar with accountability partners or accountability groups. Would they be interested in getting together with you and building that kind of relationship. If they missed the sermon, tell them to listen to it online!

#3. STATE YOUR EXPECTATIONS
Share what each of you would like the group/partnership to look like. How often will you meet? What kinds of things will you discuss? This can be important, especially when it's new. Realize that someone new to your life is probably not going to be comfortable sharing her deepest sin issues outright with you until she feels loved, accepted, safe and knows she can trust you. These things take time. But, while you're building those bridges, start with easier things:
Consistency in daily Quiet Time
Consistency in daily Prayer times
Memorizing a new verse or passage of Scripture each week/2 weeks/month
You can even start with something specific you know you need to uproot from your life that you're willing to entrust to your new accountability partner. Some examples: How much time you spend watching TV, What shows you choose to watch, Working on responding in love to your spouse or teenager, Getting to the gym however many # of days.

#4. SET A REGULAR TIME/PLACE AND GET TO IT!
No need to sit down at the coffee shop an start declaring your struggles! Have a little chat, enjoy each other's company. Find out how her week was, what God is doing in her life, etc. But then, before long, turn the conversation to the reason you're there. Bring a little notebook with you. Write down what you're going to ask your friend about and what she's going to ask you about next time you meet. Then, throughout the week, pray for your dear sister in Christ and the things she wants to work on. And, be reminded daily of what you want to work on before you meet again. Knowing that she's praying, knowing that you desire to see change, and knowing you'll have to report back on how the week went will all contribute to victory.

#5. BE HONEST
Be honest with yourself and your accountability partner or group. Remember why you wanted this partnership/group to begin with. Be willing to be the first to say you messed up. Be gentle and full of grace. When someone says where she fell short, don't tell her how to fix it for next time. Ask her what she might do in that situation next time it occurs? Offer suggestions graciously, fully aware of the plank in your own eye. With humility. The thing is, James says "Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." James 4:17 More often than not, she's gonna know what she should have/would have/could have done. You don't need to tell her. But, to best walk in victory, ask her to tell you.

#6. BE REALISTIC
Sometimes in our world of wanting to be superwoman, we say we want to be held accountable to a rigid thing like committing to exercise 5 days a week for an hour a day but then the kids get sick, the car breaks down, life happens and you just can't do that much. But you can do some. So, celebrate the "some" and be more realistic in your expectations of yourself for next time. As the partner, think about your partner's requests for her own want-to's for the week. If you think it's too lofty, ask her if she thinks it's realistic. Some of us set ourselves up for failure because somewhere subconsciously we think we're going to fail anyway. Send that back to the pit from which it came! "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." And let the things you want to change be Holy Spirit driven. Let Him show you where He wants to sharpen you, rather than picking random things you a) know you can do before the next week or b) are driven by the world's motives and not the Spirit.

#7. PRAY TOGETHER
There is something special in a friendship when your friend tells you she'll pray for you. But there is a sweetness and sincerity that develops when she prays WITH you. I would encourage every accountability meeting to start and end with prayer. Whether you're sitting in Starbucks or over the phone. Pray for her, let her pray for you. Encourage each other.

#8. CONFIDENTIALITY
This is the MOST important part of a successful accountability group/partnership. You have to have a conversation at the outset that EVERYTHING said between you will stay in the confines of that safe circle of you and your partner/group. The ONLY exception is if someone tells you something that jeopardizes someone's safety or well-being. Otherwise, husbands, sisters, friends, best friends, co-workers who don't even know your friend, children, anyone else not in the accountability partnership or group is off limits. Then, you know what? You agreed to keep it confidential, then, keep your mouth shut. (I say in love). Seriously, live with integrity here, ladies. Be the kind of accountability partner you want to have.

Whew! Ok, really, this is not a magic formula. Just suggestions or a starting point. If you truly desire to have this kind of relationship, cover the thing in prayer. Wait on the Lord, trust Him to work and then watch for Him to amaze you. He can and He will.

I'd love to chat with you if you want more direction, need someone to join you in prayer about finding a partner, etc.

In case I haven't told you lately, I'm crazy about you. Blessed beyond measure to be counted among you and overjoyed to be used of God to lead you closer to Him.
Much Love,
Katherine